Kittens Hate Bathing

Don't look all sad just because we are washing your filthy ass. STAY OUT OF THE GODDAMN GARDEN and we won't have to keep hosing you down.

Hairy Potter

Harry has narrowly escaped death by Lord Voldemort, three times! He has seen and experienced things that make mere mortals insane.

He fought a fucking 50 foot snake and kicked its ass with nothing more than a dull pencil!

So you think about that while you site there looking all smug like you are all that and a side of fries. The truth is the most you've probably accomplished in your life is successfully burying a turd in your litter box.

Where the white women at?

Flashbacks

NAM was a tough time, no doubt about it but time to let it go man, just let it go.

Help I've Fallen and Can't Get Up

No shit you can't get up, you look like you jus t ate an entire side of beef.

How To Build A Kitten Trap

Start with a split raised platform. On one side put the food and in the middle the glass, now place the kitten on the opposite side and watch as it haplessly wedges itself like a sardine in your glass.

Hard Knock Life?

Do you have any idea what Orphan Annie went through? She didn't sit there from the comfort of her fluffy ass couch with her designer food and sorry ass looking pouty face. She was a cheerful, happy and jovial little girl who took a lot of shit but somehow always managed to turn it into chocolate milk. You know nothing of the perils of Orphan Annie.

Stowaway Kitten Immigrants

These sneaky little bastards are always coming up with new and imaginative ways to make it into homes everywhere. Remember, kittens are assholes, they're not stupid.

Kitty Reaction to Interview

When I politely asked this kitty for an interview, you know, so it can shed some light as to why they are all such assholes. This was the response I got. I felt like one of those innocent reporters about to get my ass kicked by Sean Penn.

I told you I would shoot your ear off if you didn't STFU

So don't look so surprised.

Suicide Bomber Kitty

Kitties have no compunctions about walking into a Starbucks and blowing you a new asshole as we can clearly see, next time you might want to put on something to try and cover it up, what a dumbass.

So if they get 7 virgins in heaven, let me do that math, that's like 800,000 fucking new kittens in just one year. Not only do they want to take over the earth but they want to overpopulate heaven too.

Gay Kittens Offend God

Gay kittens are an abomination, the Bible clearly states that one kitten shall not lie with another. These kittens are clearly flaunting their gay homosexuality with a flaming devil may care attitude.

Kittens Resort to Eco Terrorism

In a bitter attempt to flood this innocent human's bathroom, this kitten with an obvious chip on its shoulder resorts to eco terrorism. Why do kittens hate the planet?

Identity Chrisis

So you want to run around your little prairie and live in your little house? You look like you might be a little uncomfy in that getup, could that because YOU ARE A CAT and cat's don't wear fucked up little Laura Ingles costumes.

Creepy Marimba Playing Robot

I'll get back to my campaign against asshole kittens soon enough but this, well this is just fucking creepy. Check him out getting down with his bad self. Did he just look back at the rest of the band to see if they were getting their funk on too?

This one (below) is way more realistic, where the robot is looking at this dipshit like he's an idiot fucking around with his iPhone for the first half of the video.

Kitty Porn Ring Busted

In a recent raid that sent the residents of trash can alley scattering in all directions, police confiscated several laptops and rounded up 147 cats, "that's my cousin's computer, not mine" exclaimed one kitty with an angry hiss as he was hauled away.

Kitten Hates Jesus

In a bold attempt to one up the Messiah this feline attempts to gather its own following in yet another dickish attempt to take over.

Kitten Home Invasion

Do you think you are going to fuck up my stuff just cause you are freakishly huge? You don't scare me, I hunted bears from a helicopter with Sarah Palin in Alaska bitch, I'll turn you into a cover for my couch.

Computers Under Attack From Kittens

Remember when you felt safe surfing porn? Well that was before possessive psycho kittens who think they OWN you start acting all crazy like and fucking up your computer hardware. This devil kitten thinks it's tough shit but it has no idea the lengths I will go to get my pics back.

Kittens Hate the Enviroment

The rain forests are dying and the earth is becoming a huge ass green house but don't let that stop you from tearing down that plant. Hey, you little Gizmo fucker, that plant is the only thing cleaning the smell of your shitty litter box out of the air so just leave it the hell alone.

Jesus Christ!

Good Christ that's not even a face a mother could love, I've seen better looking catfish. Are you trying to look at me with that fucked up eye? YOUR FUCKING EYE IS FREAKING ME OUT.

Confused

So you think you are a penguin? You don't have the stamina to stand out there for 6 months sitting on a little egg while our woman travels 50 miles just to feed your lazy ass. You're just a wannabe, an asshole who just got done mowing down a bunch of canned nibblets pretending to be something you're not. POSER.

Sent Packing

That's right, you shit in my slipper for the last time asshole so we are shipping your ass to aunt Betty's. Merry Christmas.

Psycho Killer

This kitten wants to rip your face off for no reason, only an asshole kitten would do that. I would drop kick your kitty ass into next week if you tried that shit on me, you'll be gumming that kitty chow hobbling along on three paws so don't even think about it.

What the fuck is so funny!

WTF? I wouldn't be laughing if my ears were all fucked up like that... with your little mini wannabe Edward fangs. Clearly your buddy is not amused either. OPEN YOUR EYES.